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Topics - DraconicDescendant

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 13
1
General Discussion! / SOMA
« on: March 03, 2015, 02:11:50 am »
From the creators of Amnesia, and I do mean the ACTUAL creators, because they're not handing this off to some studio that's too busy faffing around to actually make an appealing experience, comes SOMA. Off the bat, it looks radically different, this time taking place in a futuristic setting that also happens to be underwater. Just watching the trailer, the horror-philosophical concept they pursue this time seems to be artificial intelligence, and I have to say it's actually a little chilling to think about. I'm certainly interested to follow the development of this game, and I'm awaiting more news in the coming months.

Lord knows this immediately looks more fun to play than AMFP.

2
Crap! / Zenith
« on: August 01, 2014, 03:16:26 pm »
The stillness after the battle, when no living thing remains.

On this day 21 years ago I was given life, and ever since I have been waiting to be able to gamble and drink.

Give me some suggestions, here, what kind of drinks should I have tonight?

3
Crap! / GIFS ARE FOR CHODES, WEBM IS FOR BIG DICK GS
« on: April 28, 2014, 12:13:53 pm »
It seems that WebM isn't currently supported by the system. Considering how WebM is an overall better format than GIFs, how long is it going to take for WebM to work on the forums?

4
I Wanna Be the Quest / Trickles of Red
« on: April 14, 2014, 01:47:23 am »
It's time. They told you when the beeping started that it would be time! You'd been sleeping unpeacefully before now, becoming half-conscious several times, worrying, anxious for your "alarm" to go off. Although you don't know why you'd worry when the beeping would start eventually. But after the beeping...they told you something else. You're having some trouble remembering. Maybe it'll come to you a bit later. It's time for you to respond to the beeping!

A hydraulic hiss sounds as the doors in front of you open, letting light into your chamber for the first time since it closed. Your eyes are very sensitive, so you can't help but hide them underneath your hands, turning your head to the side and digging it into the comfortable bedding you've been sleeping in. You suddenly remember that the next thing that you were supposed to do after the beeping was get up. That's the most logical thing to do. You've had...more than enough sleep.

5
Crap! / Free to Play
« on: March 19, 2014, 06:52:59 pm »
Valve's E-sports documentary on The International and Dota 2 is out today, free on YouTube. You can also download it off of Steam.

Check it out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjZYMI1zB9s

6
Crap! / Burning Money
« on: February 23, 2014, 03:26:47 pm »
You suddenly become CEO of any Fortune 500 company of your choice. Your goal is to make it go bankrupt as quickly as possible. How would you achieve this end?

7
General Discussion! / Loadout
« on: February 08, 2014, 08:15:55 pm »
This game has been making a bit of buzz lately for being a good free to play game on Steam. I picked it up on launch day and played it for several hours, and I've come back to it every day since then. The game is surprisingly well-balanced, offering four different categories of guns, and offering a number of different attachments for each that allow you to specialize your weapon. For instance, you could choose to make a regular rifle that shoots bullets, but the attachments allow you to customize it to be anywhere between an assault rifle, a shotgun, a heavy machine, or a sniper rifle, along with the option of what type of bullets it uses.

At first I thought a few weapons seemed overpowered, such as using a beam gun that causes fire damage for heavy damage over time, but then I realized that the gun is weakened against players who use shields as equipment, and weak against turrets as well. While electricity is less-damaging, it actually performs very well against electronic equipment, and has a side benefit of being able to arc between grouped enemies for additional damage. The only weapon capable of killing an enemy in a single hit is a bolt-action sniper rifle with a specialized barrel, but the tradeoff for that is that you only get one round, and non-headshot damage isn't enough to kill an enemy at full health. Using a regular sniper barrel with bolt action does a lot of damage on a headshot, but not enough to guarantee a one-shot kill.

Since it's free, there's no reason not to at least try it.

8
I Wanna Be the Quest / VelocityQuest X
« on: January 01, 2014, 08:57:35 pm »
With a sudden jolt, you suddenly snap awake, realizing that you must have drifted off a while ago. Today has been a slow day for you, and boredom is something that you don't deal well with. You quickly look over your desk, finding all your different items as they were, your computer having gone into sleep mode in the time since you closed your eyes.

It's not normally this boring being one of the most brilliant scientists working in FrundTech, but you just haven't found a way to occupy yourself while Kleiner's reserved most of the laboratory today for one of his stupid pet projects. You've had to sit here trying to find some way to make the time go by faster, but so far you haven't gotten any ideas. You're still a little groggy, but maybe the nap gave your mind what it needed to come up with something.

9
Crap! / Hungry Gems: Cupping Fur
« on: November 29, 2013, 04:48:08 am »
Just went down to the theater with the family to see this movie. In short, it's got plenty for me to point out. In long, this movie felt kind of COMPLETELY CONTRIVED.

First off, why the hell didn't anyone tell Katniss that maybe, just maybe she shouldn't relax because this Quarter Quelling thing happens every 25 years, and the year after she won would be the 75th Hunger Games? Seems kind of important to mention between ANYTIME AFTER SHE WON. If Katniss and Pita are both winners, and are therefore in the pool for the Quarter Quelling which consists of winners of previous Hunger Games, WHY DID NOBODY BOTHER TO TELL THEM?

The available pool for the Quarter Quelling seems awfully convenient as well. Somehow every district not only has at least two winners from previous years, they also have both a male and female winner. THE ODDS ARE SUSPICIOUSLY IN THEIR FAVOR. HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?

I haven't even gotten to this secret plan that half the characters got into, either. Basically while Katniss wasn't looking, everybody else that she was friends with started planning a rebellion and decided not to let her in on it because she was being "watched too closely." IT'S NOT LIKE ANY OF THEM WERE BEING WATCHED CLOSELY, TOO. JESUS CHRIST HALF OF THEM ARE COMPETING IN THE FUCKING GAME AND THE OTHER HALF ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE. ANYWAY, this entire plan revolves around Katniss DOING WHAT THEY NEED HER TO, except she DOESN'T KNOW what she needs to do because they couldn't tell her or even hint at what's going on.

So basically the entire lynch pin in this plot revolves around this decorative superconductor that they stuck in the arena to act as the giant signal for their stupid death clock thing. Specifically, since this superconductor gets hit by lightning every 12 hours to signal noon and midnight. The arena is designed in such a way that it resembles a giant clock, in that it's split into 12 zones in perfect wedges and every hour of the day, according to the clock, a different hazard happens in its corresponding time zone. I just couldn't get over this fucking thing, or why even after they figure it out they keep going into the zones where shit is supposed to happen. The game manager spins the stupid central island around after they figure out what the shit is going on, BUT THEY STILL DON'T STEER CLEAR OUT OF THE ZONES WHERE THE SHIT IS HOT.

We don't get to see all of the hazards, anyway, even though they're all pretty stupid. Of course we've got the 12 o'clock position which is lightning striking the giant conductor, Katniss and her group find out that 3 o'clock is napalm mist, 4 o'clock is monkeys, something else is a flood, another is raining boiling blood, and then another especially stupid one is a bunch of birds that don't really hurt you, just scream at you in the voices of people you recognize. The rest don't fucking matter because we don't see them, but I bet none of them are dumber than the birds.

So the big plan is to take a large spool of wire, tie it all around the conductor, then tie that wire to a spear, and use that to overload the force field, but that's not what they tell Katniss. They tell her that it's to electrocute the other group, who would be drawn out by them leaving the beach area, then when lightning strikes the wire electrifies the water and kills everyone. However, while they're busy trying as hard as possible to not let Katniss know what the fuck is going on, the plan almost fails because the guy ends up electrocuting himself, and the other group actually ambushes them. Katniss luckily ends up NOT shooting any of her allies who she is not completely aware of, and she ends up figuring out what the guy was trying to do and shoots an arrow into the force field and collapses the arena.

The ending feels really rushed, because Katniss gets evacuated out by a resistance ship while the power is out, and instead of being completely straight with her everyone tells her exposition before she passes out. The movie doesn't show us any of this, but it DOES have her lose consciousness three times in a row. Gale is like "District 12 got blown to fucking shit," BUT THE MOVIE DOESN'T SHOW US THAT. NONE OF IT.

RAMBLING. RANT. DONE.

10
Crap! / Oz the Great and Powerful
« on: November 03, 2013, 05:21:46 am »
What is this film? It's a "prequel" to the beloved Wizard of Oz, if you could even consider something made 70 years after the fact legitimate in any way. I'm not unfamiliar with amendments made to the Wizard of Oz story in recent years. I've seen the musical for Wicked, which chalked up the Wicked Witch of the West's peculiar skin condition to fetal alcohol syndrome and inserted a love plot between the Witch and the Scarecrow of all people. However, Oz the Great and Powerful seems not to care about anything that happened in Wicked. It gives us its own take on the origins of the Wizard as well as the Wicked Witch.

The movie opens up with James Franco, playing circus magician Oscar Diggs, is setting up for an act in Kansas. One thing you might notice is that the movie not only opens in black and white, like the original, but it also opens with an extremely small screen. If you've bought a TV within the last several years, chances are it's an HDTV. What this does is make you feel like a dumbass staring at a tiny box on your wide screen while James Franco woos all the circus women with his magician deception. This shit lasts for the entire opening scene, about 15 minutes.


Anyway, he's pulling off his magic show, and it turns out that he's done a good job of convincing the honest people of 1900's Midwest America that he is in fact not a fraud. Unfortunately, he wasn't anticipating that a paraplegic girl in the audience would approach him and ask him to fix her legs. The request causes both James Franco and the movie-viewing audience to cringe while the men backstage work like mad to cut the act and drop the curtains. After blowing the entire act, James finds that he has more trouble in the form of the circus strongman approaching his door with intent to beat his face to a pulp for flirting with his wife, which we did see earlier, but never really cared about since we've been watching this entire movie in fucking box format. The wizard's only escape mechanic is to jump into a nearby hot air balloon and take off. IT'S TOO BAD THAT HE CAN'T FLY AWAY FROM THIS MOVIE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

In typical Kansas fashion, the hot air balloon gets caught in a tornado, and thankfully the aspect ratio is finally fixed for HD format. The movie wastes no time in making sure you get to enjoy high-definition by immediately making the screen 97% color-heavy CGI. James lands down in a strange and colorful landscape, which is indeed the titular land of Oz. Getting out of his balloon, he is greeted by Mila Kunis, who is sporting an extremely red dress and hat. But she's no Carmen Sandiego, she's actually someone else that you're not supposed to figure out yet. James has the usual questions, such as where he is and what's going on, which Mila is rather coy about answering completely. The two then take off through rolling fields of flowers, and it's around this time that you wonder why they bothered to shoot with live-action actors if everything else but the two of them is completely computer-generated. The CGI is unrealistic enough to make the actors stick out in a bad way, and the actors are too out of place for you to enjoy the CGI. This problem might have been less prominent if THE REST OF THE MOVIE WASN'T COMPLETELY CG. JESUS CHRIST.

Shit happens, and they come across a fez-wearing winged monkey on the side of the road. The monkey is in a spot of trouble, but James is able to help him out. In return, the monkey is so grateful that he grants his servitude to the wizard. They get on their way and...

I'm just going to save us all some time here. James Franco's character is a dishonest conman, so of course he goes out of his way to claim to be the wizard that has been prophesied to come to Oz and lay righteous claim to the Emerald City. His main motivation to do this is the vast treasury that he would be entitled to. Mila Kunis takes him to her significant other, Evanora, who is totally not evil. Evanora tells James that if he truly is the wizard of the prophecy, he's going to have to go out and slay a wicked witch that has been terrorizing the land of Oz. James is a slave to his greed, so if he's getting paid for it he'll totally off someone. He and his monkey butler head out on their journey.

As they approach their destination, they reach a desecrated village. Since this is Oz, this isn't a normal village. It's actually a village of porcelain doll people. AND ALL THEIR HOUSES ARE TEAPOTS AND CRAP. James looks around and finds a young porcelain girl who has had her legs broken off, and also ironically resembles that paraplegic girl from the beginning of the movie. James fixes her up with a little glue, but one has to wonder exactly how these doll people live their day to day lives if they don't have easy access to glue and anything as much as a tumble down the stairs is a deadly event for them. THESE ARE CHILDREN THAT CANNOT GO INTO THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND PLAY WITHOUT RISKING THEIR LIVELIHOODS. THESE ARE FATHERS AND MOTHERS WHO CANNOT AFFORD TO SUFFER WORK-RELATED INJURY. THESE ARE A PEOPLE THAT CANNOT WITHSTAND AN ATTACK FROM NATURAL PREDATORS, OR EVEN OTHER INHABITANTS OF OZ. THESE THINGS ARE EVOLUTIONARILY HOPELESS. WHY WOULD ANYONE GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO CONQUER THEM?

Obviously the answer is a very wicked witch, but they don't explicitly say that it was a wicked witch that did this, so I'm just going to assume that it was an act of domestic terrorism. The girl joins their party, and they go on their way to seek out the wicked witch. They eventually arrive at a spooky graveyard, where they actually do find what they think is the wicked witch. They try to sneak that shit and set up a tactical plan, but it falls apart quickly and they're spotted. Just when they think the witch is about to cast a spell and kill them all, she disrobes herself and reveals that she is actually GLINDA, A GOOD WITCH.

Observers should be able to piece together by this point that Mila Kunis and her partner Evanora are totally, completely evil, except Mila Kunis isn't evil, she's just being deceived. I forgot the finer details of what happened, since I watched this movie about six months ago and put off writing this, but I can tell you that they involve James telling the porcelain girl about a "magical wizard" from his homeland. He tells her the story of a great wizard named Thomas Edison, and how he invented many baubles, but he leaves out the part of the story where he was actually a greedy thief who stole everything he saw and ran the true genius Nikola Tesla out of business by heading a publicity campaign against him AND HOW HE'S A GIANT FRAUD WHO WAS JUST A COMPLETE ASSHOLE AND HE'S A FUCKING CHEAT, but porcelain girl enjoys the story anyway and falls asleep.

Somewhere along the line, Mila Kunis is lied to by Evanora about her romance with James. Evanora just says a bunch of bullshit about how he doesn't really love her or something and that's all she needs to hear to take the enchanted apple that Evanora offers her that will make her heart cold and black and make her wicked and bring great power or something, but when she eats it it doesn't seem to actually do that, it just causes her to start trying to chew the scenery.

ANYWAY, the so-called Wizard of Oz has to work with the inhabitants of the munchkin village to form an army capable of taking the Emerald City from the hands of the wicked witches. He comes up with a plan in the vein of what he's best at, lying to everyone. Basically what he does is create an army of wooden dummies, then he plans on having them roll out of the forest outside of the city to act as a distraction. The witches have command of a force of flying monkeys, so it's going to be an uphill battle. Contrivedly enough, there's a field of flowers that make you fall asleep if you inhale their enchanted pollen, so the wizard tries to use that to his advantage. The monkeys fly into the field to discover that the dummies are actually dummies, and with their guard down they all inhale the pollen and fall asleep, where they shall remain in the field until the first snow, and then they will die from the cold.

The wizard rigs up a giant projector, Mila keeps chewing the scenery, fireworks and bullshit happen, then there's a final showdown between Glinda, James Franco, and Evanora. Mila Kunis gets taken out by James Franco outside before the fight, so the battle is mainly between Glinda and Evanora. I'm not exactly sure what the deal with Evanora is, but she gets all of her magic from her amulet, and her only spell is force lightning. The fight's drawn out for a while, Evanora being a complete one trick pony while Glinda realizes that all she has to do is get the amulet to shut Evanora down completely. Needless to say, she succeeds in destroying it, which causes Evanora to reveal HER TRUE FORM, an old hag. Evanora swears revenge, and flies off into the night, tragically unaware that she's going to be crushed by a house in 40 or so years.

James Franco wins, proving himself to be the wizard of prophecy despite not having any magical powers, instead being a very adept liar. As he sits upon his iron throne, looking over his acquired fortune, he decides that life in Oz might not be so bad, and decides to say.

This only raises the question, if Dorothy was only dreaming about Oz in the original movie, THEN WHERE THE FUCK IS JAMES FRANCO?

11
General Discussion! / Are You the Spelunker...Or the Spelunkee?
« on: September 22, 2013, 12:27:49 am »
You know that first time you went driving? You might have done a few things in a parking lot or went on a short ride with an instructor. You had to work out steering and shifting, probably had to do a few other things like adjust the mirrors and shift the seat, and you had to pay attention to everything around you so you didn't crash. The first part of driving was simple enough, and you probably got the hang of it just fine. Then you went out on the road and had to deal with stop signs, street lights, traffic lanes, other cars, pedestrians, and unexpected obstacles. Driving in the real world is harder than driving on a test course, but you probably got the hang of that eventually as well.

Well, what if the next time you went driving, when you think you properly know how to work everything, and you're about to go to some place out of town, SUDDENLY, A WHOLE SHIT TON OF OTHER THINGS CAME FLYING AT YOU? Now you don't have to worry about lanes anymore. You're still going from one point to another, but now the other cars don't have to obey traffic laws, and have no regard for their own safety, so they can drive whichever fucking direction they feel like, and in most circumstances, their cars are tougher than yours. This would normally be bad enough, but if you get run off the road you'll get thrown into the bottomless abyss of fucking torment, or driven into traps that tear you and your car to shreds, BUT GUESS WHAT, IF YOU DIE YOU CAN JUST TRY AGAIN. YOU JUST HAVE TO START ALL THE WAY BACK AT YOUR HOUSE.

Now, the further you get away from your house, the more insane shit you get thrown at you. You start to get even better, and soon you can dodge all the cars flying at you with precision, and you know how to avoid all the traps, that's great. Then you get onto the freeway, and EVERYTHING IS FUCKED. This is when you learn that you weren't just having a bad day. THE WORLD ITSELF DOES NOT WANT YOU TO GET TO YOUR DESTINATION. As soon as you got out of town, the world gets pissed the fuck off, and does everything in its power to ENSURE that you don't get any farther. This isn't about you driving anymore. IT'S ABOUT HOW YOU ARE IN HELL. GUESS WHAT, EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO WHERE YOU WERE GOING ANYMORE, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. THAT'S THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO. GET IN YOUR CAR, AND TRY TO DRIVE THERE. AND YOU GET FRUSTRATED BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET TO WHERE YOU WERE GOING BECAUSE THE LAST TIME YOU DIED WAS SUCH BULLSHIT THAT YOU CAN'T CONCENTRATE AND GET KILLED BY SOMETHING JUST A BLOCK AWAY FROM YOUR FUCKING HOUSE.

If you haven't guessed yet, I'm talking about Spelunky.

I know this game's been out for over a year, having been released last Fall season on XBLA, but I waited for a Steam version to come out, which took roughly a year to do. It's challenging, but stop jerking yourself over the La-Mu-Fucking-Lana bullshit that you've been furiously obsessed with for the last fucking forever because this game isn't some RPG menus bullshit. It's just got you, your bombs, your ropes, a whip, the shit you purchase, and the one item that you might be hauling along with you. It doesn't take much to kill you. After you get done with the first area, this game is after your fucking knackers.

12
Crap! / Happy Birthday To...
« on: August 01, 2013, 04:20:19 pm »
ME.

I'd normally go off on a long spiel about nonsense, but right now I'm about to go to the theater and watch Pacific Rim and shit, so I'll have to catch you later.

Most of you are pretty cool guys.

13
Crap! / Dust
« on: May 30, 2013, 02:58:12 am »
What's this? Another independently-developed title that came out of nowhere and apparently rocked at least several trustworthy publications to their cores and is filled with the stuff that makes people launch an armada of quickly and eagerly made DeviantArt drawings upon the world.

I very dimly remember hearing a little about this game, not much more than the name being thrown around several times and people talking about how fucking good this indie title looked. Or maybe I'm just saying that because that's what I hear about nearly every indie game in development featured in an article in r/games. Usually I think: "Huh, that sounds nifty," and then I promptly forget about it and go on. The more indie games in development I hear about, the more I realize that there's no shortage of talent or good ideas from the talented individuals out there, but in an age where indie gaming has come to encompass such a large and wide definition, along with other games in general, there comes a point where I feel that some games offer better experiences than others, and that you'd be best off spending your money on one game than another to get an optimal experience. For example, Battlefield 3, Crysis 3, Tomb Raider, Metro: Last Light, and Bioshock Infinite all share similar gameplay elements. But which would I rather play if I'm looking for an experience? Battlefield 3 and Crysis 3 certainly offer an experience, but these games also happen to be focused on a large multiplayer aspect that most likely receives more focus than the experience that it's trying to convey through a singe-player story. Tomb Raider has multiplayer, but the developers were a lot more eager to work on making Lara Croft a believable character and offer this single-player experience, but ultimately Lara Croft mows down a few hundred people with guns, arrows, and other shit and they're trying to sell us on the point that the first guy she killed was JUST OH SO SCARRING. ANYWAY, I'M RAMBLING. BIOSHOCK INFINITE IS SOLID BUT OVERRATED, AND METRO I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT.

ANYWAY, should I buy this game? Anyone else bought it already?

The trailer illustrates that there are a lot of furries in this game and that there's intense talking, intense yelling, and omnislashes. It's also a sidescroller and has beautiful hand-painted backgrounds much like another game I was fond of, Muramasa: The Demon Blade, for the Wii.

14
I Wanna Be the Quest / VelocityQuest IX
« on: April 16, 2013, 08:56:15 pm »
The sun beats down on your tired body, each wave of heat it brings over you causing intense discomfort as you crawl through the sand. It's just past noon, meaning that it's not going to let up any time soon. You've been crawling through the desert for several hours now, your hands remaining bound behind you. Dirt has gotten in your various cuts, large and small, sticking in your wounds and bringing in a stinging sensation with each small movement. You're not sure where you're going to head, you're so tired and thirsty. You don't recognize any of this landscape, and you have no idea which direction town is in. You guess this is what you get for trying to make a living out of the treasure hunting business. First week out and you've already gotten robbed for everything you have, and then thrown out to die with the lizards. The wildlife hasn't accosted you, yet, thankfully, but you're not sure what it would do to your spirits if you were to catch a vulture following you.

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