I Wanna Be The Forums!

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Chat button has been eaten. Click here to join in the idling fun!

Pages: [1] 2 3

Author Topic: Excellent®Quest (Or: How I learned to stop worrying and embrace the alts)  (Read 7137 times)

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

You are in a kitchen. A bloodstained slap chop in your hand, and blood soaked Sham Wow's litter the floor, and across from you you see a half empty tub of Oxy Clean. In front of you is a dead body. You have no recollection of the events prior to your being here. Also your hat is missing.
Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Fidel CashFlow

  • Warrant Officer
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 740
  • I'm God.
    • View Profile

The title of this thread is awesome. Kubrick <3
Logged
Despy just meatspun us. I. Have. No. Words.

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

I immediately drop the slap chop and try to find the nearest cloth to wipe my hands with... If I can't find anything, I use the clothes of the dead body. While I'm wiping my hands, I try to identify the body, while also checking around in my pants and chef's coat pockets  (including the one hidden inside the jacket) to see if I have anything of use and/or clues as to how I got in such a horrible mess.

"Man, what an Excellent® mess I seem to have gotten myself into!" I say to myself.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

It takes a few seconds, but you soon remember the body as that of Dsk, who apparently was not in Ybbalds basement after all.

After checking all your pockets, you find 3 items.

- A piece of paper, with a rather sloppy looking circle drawn on it, with a cross going through it.

- A roll of ten quarters.

- A flyer. The flyer advertises 'Cubes Army', whatever that is. There is no other information on the flyer.
Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

"Hmm, this is rather odd..." I ponder to myself as I scratch my head, realizing that I'm missing my hat.

"WHAT? MY HAT IS MISSING?! THIS IS AN Excellent® OUTRAGE!" I then proceed to yell.

Worried that my yelling may have tipped off someone, I put all of said items back into my various pockets and go to pick up the slap chop I just dropped before.

I look around the area I'm in, checking for any doors or windows that may be present. I also check for a clock and a calendar to try to regain my bearings.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

There is a clock and a calender, a window, and a door, all placed in a row so I can move ahead with the plot quicker.

The time is 7am.

The day is Friday.

And before you ask, yes, you are both fresh, and downstairs.
Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

GOTTA HAVE MY BOWL
GOTTA HAVE CEREAL


If there is a lock on said door, I proceed to check to see if it is locked. If so, I leave it be, if not I promptly lock it. I check out the window to view my surroundings then proceed to close the blinds.

I check around the kitchen to see if there are any cabinets that are large enough and empty enough to store a body. If not, I check the freezer in the refrigerator for the same reason. That, and if there are any more Toaster Strudels left, I haven't had my breakfast yet.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

The door is locked.

The window is shut, but has no blinds, or curtains.

There is nowhere large enough to store a person in this room.

There is a strawberry pop tart, already heated, on the side.
Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

I take my bloody Slap Chop, rinse it off over the sink given that the water runs in this place and I chop up the Pop Tart to smaller morsels, checking to see if it's riddled with anything deadly like Anthrax or imitation crab meat.... or Oxy-Clean.

I look through drawers to see if there are any plastic sandwich bags left in this place and/or the lid to the Oxy-Clean container- I plan on taking some of this shit one way or another.

Looking on the ground at the bloody Sham-Wows, I count them to see how many there are and mumble to myself,

"If there are 8 or more on the ground, that means they could have killed DSK here and just used the Sham-Wows to mop up all of the blood with no problems whatsoever..."

I pause mid-sentence and start to question myself,

"WAIT, why would I know that?!"

I then proceed to take a closer look at the body to inspect what may have happened to him.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

The pop tart is clean... well it was, until it started bleeding. It has just become apparent you chopped up Nyan cat. How Excellently® douchey of you!

There are a few sandwich bags. The lid to the oxy clean isn't in this room. *HINT HINT*

There are 3 sham wows. Only 2 are bloody. One is atop the work station. It looks like whoever did this got bored of cleaning the blood.

Upon closer inspection, Dsk was killed by a repeated stabbing to the chest with what appears to be a steak knife, which he was laying on.

Also, you have carved snakes into your wrists.

REFERENCES!
Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

"Finally! That damned nyanning was getting on my nerves anyway!"

I take a sandwich bag and pour in some of the Oxy-Clean into it, storing it away for later use. While pouring it into the bag, I noticed the distinct markings on my wrists.

"Snakes? Snakes?? SNAAAAAAAAAKES!!! ON MY WRISTS!!!"

I also take the non bloody Sham Wow.

Seeing as how I'm in a kitchen, and I haven't really gone through much, I proceed to open up both the refrigerator and the freezer, check the oven and microwave, and throw a rave party by switching on and off the light switch repeatedly.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Mort, the Lonely

  • ¡Lamerator!
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 823
  • Least Powerful Moderator
    • View Profile

You check the fridge & freezer, and find them both suprisingly understocked for a kitchen. In the fridge you find a twinkie and, for some reason, 20 dollars. You take both automatically.

The oven & microwave are empty.

You turn the light off once, but when you go to turn back on, nothing happens. You also get the overwhelming sensation that you aren't alone. The sound of a song can be heard in the distance, getting closer & closer.

Logged
“Oh my god if Mort came back I am so going to kill someone.”

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

SHIT JUST GOT REAL

I try to put on my most Excellent® ghetto accent and proceed to yell out, "BITCH, I AIN'T BE WIFING NOBODY IN NO CLUBS!" and proceed to unlock the door and get the fuck out of Dodge the kitchen.
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show

Venser

  • Gloved Modulator
  • Godmin
  • The Guy
  • *****
  • Posts: 3331
    • View Profile

IT'S SLENDERMAN

HE JUST WANTS $20
Logged
Ybbald: I read that as "deadly venser"
Ybbald: and I was like
Ybbald: "when is venser NOT deadly?"

Arkhanno: We'll have to out-source to the US. I know of a great doctor with lifeguard training that can do anything with a 90% success rate

Evan20k: Sherlock Holmes didn't have 5 arms and 6 penises and lifeguard training

Chef Excellence®

  • An Excellent® Admin
  • Administrator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 1
  • "An Excellent® Person"
    • View Profile

I'm keeping the twenty, it sounds important later on down the road.

I instead offer Slenderman the bag of Oxy-Clean I had stashed away.

"You see, while I may not have the $20 you were asking for, I do have something... Worth your while, if you get my drift. Call it even?"
Logged
"An Excellent® Signature" -Chef Excellence®
: An Excellent® Spoiler Pic Signature • show
Pages: [1] 2 3