I Wanna Be The Forums!

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Gaiden 1.2 patch released. Click here to download!

Pages: 1 ... 35 36 [37] 38 39 ... 589

Author Topic: Laugh = Lose  (Read 794873 times)

Tervez

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 286
  • Name? Job? Bye!
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #540 on: September 06, 2009, 04:07:15 am »

Concerned is awesome.
Logged
I don't care how big it is, you are sticking it in your damn mouth

Koppis

  • The Guy
  • *****
  • Posts: 1344
  • JAKE ON URPO
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #541 on: September 06, 2009, 04:31:11 pm »

more lolz pls

Ybbalds 10000th post why no celebration?



Logged
lol

Evan20000

  • Nuke 'em
  • Administrator
  • The Guy
  • *****
  • Posts: 4084
  • Forum Archangel
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #542 on: September 06, 2009, 06:50:35 pm »

10000 posts of shit! Whoopie!!
Logged

Your videos could just be you in a Nazi outfit, shitting into a bucket while doing the can-can and they'd already be miles ahead of Pewdiepie.

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #543 on: September 06, 2009, 07:06:12 pm »

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put "trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in block number 11 of the accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above me...I again lost my presence of mind...and let go of the rope!
Logged

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #544 on: September 06, 2009, 08:12:29 pm »

Logged

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #545 on: September 06, 2009, 08:16:29 pm »

who sees the penis?
Logged

Venser

  • Gloved Modulator
  • Godmin
  • The Guy
  • *****
  • Posts: 3331
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #546 on: September 06, 2009, 08:25:41 pm »

I lost on tomatoes. That was a good one.
Logged
Ybbald: I read that as "deadly venser"
Ybbald: and I was like
Ybbald: "when is venser NOT deadly?"

Arkhanno: We'll have to out-source to the US. I know of a great doctor with lifeguard training that can do anything with a 90% success rate

Evan20k: Sherlock Holmes didn't have 5 arms and 6 penises and lifeguard training

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #547 on: September 06, 2009, 08:27:02 pm »

Logged

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #548 on: September 06, 2009, 08:32:22 pm »

Logged

yoshi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 967
  • yes.
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #549 on: September 06, 2009, 08:36:41 pm »

Logged
Indeed, my green-skinned prehensile-tongued fellow. Indeed.

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #550 on: September 06, 2009, 08:39:18 pm »

^_^

I got a big post coming up
Logged

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #551 on: September 06, 2009, 08:45:24 pm »


























Logged

Sibare

  • IN SIBERIA
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 108
  • Sext banned
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #552 on: September 06, 2009, 08:46:08 pm »

Logged

ybbald

  • Guest
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #553 on: September 06, 2009, 08:49:30 pm »

On a recent weekend in Las Vegas, the woman related, she won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine. She took a break from the slots for dinner with her husband in the hotel dining room. But first she wanted to stash the quarters in her room.

"I'll be right back and we'll go to eat," she told her husband and she carried the coin laden bucket to the elevator. As she was about to walk into the elevator she noticed two men already aboard. Both were black.

One of them was big... very big... an intimidating figure. The woman froze.

Her first thought was: These two are going to rob me. Her next thought was: Don't be a bigot, they look like perfectly nice gentlemen. But racial stereotypes are powerful, and fear immobilized her. She stood and stared at the two men.

She felt anxious, flustered, ashamed. She hoped they didn't read her mind, but knew they surely did; her hesitation about joining them on the elevator was all too obvious. Her face was flushed. She couldn't just stand there, so with a mighty effort of will she picked up one foot and stepped forward and followed with the other foot and was on the elevator.

Avoiding eye contact, she turned around stiffly and faced the elevator doors as they closed. A second passed, and then another second, and then another. Her fear increased!

The elevator didn't move. Panic consumed her. My God, she thought, I'm trapped and about to be robbed! Her heart plummeted. Perspiration poured from every pore.

Then ... one of the men said, "Hit the floor." Instinct told her: Do what they tell you. The bucket of quarters flew upwards as she threw out her arms and collapsed on the elevator carpet. A shower of coins rained down on her. Take my money and spare me, she prayed. More seconds passed.

She heard one of the men say politely, "Ma'am, if you'll just tell us what floor you're going to, we'll push the button." The one who said it had a little trouble getting the words out. He was trying mightily to hold in a belly laugh.

She lifted her head and looked up at the two men. They reached down to help her up. Confused, she struggled to her feet. "When I told my man here to hit the floor," said the average sized one, "I meant that he should hit the elevator button for our floor. I didn't mean for you to hit the floor, ma'am." He spoke genially. He bit his lip. It was obvious he was having a hard time not laughing.

She thought: My God, what a spectacle I've made of myself. She was so humiliated to speak. She wanted to blurt out an apology, but words failed her. How do you apologize to two perfectly respectable gentlemen for behaving as though they were going to rob you? She didn't know what to say. The 3 of them gathered up the strewn quarters and refilled her bucket. When the elevator arrived at her floor, they insisted on walking her to her room. She seemed a little unsteady on her feet, and they were afraid she might not make it down the corridor. At her door they bid her a good evening.

As she slipped into her room she could hear them roaring with laughter while they walked back to the elevator. The woman brushed herself off. She pulled herself together and went downstairs for dinner with her husband.

The next morning flowers were delivered to her room - a dozen roses. Attached to EACH rose was a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The card said: "Thanks for the best laugh we've had in years."

It was signed,
Eddie Murphy and Michael Jordan
Logged

yoshi

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 967
  • yes.
    • View Profile
Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #554 on: September 06, 2009, 08:52:28 pm »

Logged
Indeed, my green-skinned prehensile-tongued fellow. Indeed.
Pages: 1 ... 35 36 [37] 38 39 ... 589