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Author Topic: Laugh = Lose  (Read 820801 times)

Fidel CashFlow

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1110 on: October 26, 2009, 09:54:36 pm »

My twin sister, Amy, I hate her with a passion. She acts so innocent all the time yet shes taken more cock than anyone I know. Even when shes with a guy she acts nice and polite. I always knew she was a little 'friendly' with the guys, but it wasnt until a few months ago that I truely knew.

I came home after a party with a couple friends, all around my age (16), to find my family arguing like always. My brother, mom, and dad were fighting over his girlfriend. He loves her but she treats him like shit, theyre sick of seeing her lazy ass in the house. I've gotten the same talk about my boyfriend, since he nearly lives here, but they eventually stopped caring once my brother moved back in.

After listening to it for a few minutes, I decided not to get involved and just goto my room. I headed up stairs, passing my sisters room. There was light flickering under her door, probably from the TV. I round the corner to my room and hear a rustle behind the door, I assume its my boyfriend, Jason, going through my stuff again. I turned the handle slowly and quietly, hoping to surprise him. I fling the door open, and it turns out I was the one getting the surprise. There Amy was, on her knees, hunched over my bed with Jasons cock deep in her throat. She tilted her head a little while Jason was wide eyed staring at me. Amy went back to sucking like I wasnt even there. Like she was just taking care of normal business.

I started to freak out as Jason kept looking back and forth between my sister and me. He was scared, but obviously enjoyed my sisters tongue lapping his shaft too much to stop her. I crossed my arms and made a loud, "AHEM" to grab my sisters attention. She tilted her head again to look at me. I gave her the stare of death as she slowly slid my boyfriends cock out of her mouth. The nerve of this girl, I couldnt believe it when she replaced her mouth with her hand, massaging the tip of his head while she stared at me doe-eyed, using her other hand to wipe the cock-generated spit from her face.

Jason began to twitch... I know that twitch! Hes going to cum soon! That fucking whore is making my boyfriend cum right in front of me! She took notice as well and put her attention back to his thick cock, still massaging the tip of his dick while she behan to tongue his shaft. Slowly going up and down, giving little sucks randomly with her whore lips. She made her way to the tip of his cock and began to suck again, taking his whole cock up and down, faster and faster as he gripped the sheets. I wanted to choke that whore with my own boyfriends cock at that very moment but I couldnt move, I was too stunned, and I knew that stupid little slut couldnt be choked by any cock.

Amy began to slow down a little as a glob of cum leaked out the side of her mouth. She quickly tucked it back in with her finger, not wanting to waste a drop. Jasons head dropped back to the bed as he laid there with his limping cock still in my sisters mouth. She was still sucking, making sure every bit of fluid would settle in her stomach. After a few more minutes she let his cock drop out of her mouth and she stood up, still not saying a word to me. I was flabbergasted, Amy, my twin sister, my blood, didnt appear to have any emotion for betraying me like that! Not even an emotion of pleasure or satisfaction from getting a man off. There was nothing in this girl, just her whorish instinct to suck cock when she has the chance.

After that night I found it hard to speak to Jason or Amy. I didnt want anything to do with either of them. Almost a week passed before I confronted Amy about what happened. I woke up and went to the kitchen for my breakfast, mom and dad had already left for work, and our borther was still in bed. I made my bowl of cereal and sat across the kitchen table from her. I know she could feel my cold stare as she pushed around the eggs on her plate. I didnt even want to eat after looking at her stupid slut face for so long. I pushed my bowl aside and said, "You fucking whore. You god damn tramp. How could you do that to me? Have you been fucking around with him behind my back for long?" She continued to play with her food and just shurgged at me, not saying a word.

I had it, it was time to take out my frustration. I slammed my chair back as I got up and rounded the table. She started to clench up as she saw me coming, knowing I would hurt her. I kicked her out of her chair with all my might, knocking her to the floor. She instantly curled up, knowing she could never fight back against me. I strattled her and begain to throw my fists against the side of her head, knots started to show after only a few seconds. "bitch whore cunt cock sucking fucking slut" flew out of my mouth as I pulled her arms away from her face so I could bust up those big cock hungry lips.

After a few minutes I was too tired to keep throwing my arms, and was sick of hearing her pathetic sobbing. I rolled off the top of her and laid next to her on the floor. We both took a few minutes to catch our breath. I looked over to see her looking back at me, I gave her a dirty look as I saw her lips begin to move, "He asked me to... I cant be rude and say no... You know I cant say no..." It took a minute for what she said to work through my anger. She was right, I knew she had a problem turning people down, such an extreme fear of disappointing people, but I never imagined it went this far. I was still too angry to offer any understanding to her, so I pulled myself up off the floor and went back to the living room.

After a minute I heard the sink in the kitchen come on, she was probably washing the blood off her face. I really did a number on her, her nose and both lips were bleeding by the time I was done.


there you fucking go, took exactly 45 seconds, that difficult?

NO, STOP THE FUCKING 4CHAN HOTLINKING.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2009, 10:00:11 pm by Nolan »
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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1111 on: October 26, 2009, 10:11:25 pm »

that's crazy

and hot D:
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Fidel CashFlow

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1112 on: October 26, 2009, 10:12:14 pm »

one more 4chan hotlink and i'm gone for a while.
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Evan20000

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1113 on: October 26, 2009, 10:21:00 pm »

No more 4chan hotlinks.

Screencap it and imageshack it if you really want to keep it.
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Your videos could just be you in a Nazi outfit, shitting into a bucket while doing the can-can and they'd already be miles ahead of Pewdiepie.

ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1114 on: October 27, 2009, 09:54:17 am »

There once was a guy named Juan. He was a really nice guy....didn't beat his wife, didn't beat his kids, didn't beat the aardvark in the backyard. He lived in a small country in South America. Juan lived a simple life, and was simply happy.

One day, he was sitting in a coffeeshop with a few friends, when the topic of the election for mayor came up. One of his friends said 'Hey Juan, why don't you run? You're a really great guy!' Juan smiled and thanked his friends for their kindness, but they were persistant, as they should be...he was a great candidate and a great guy; he didn't beat his wife, or his kids, or the aardvark in the backyard. Juan reluctantly agreed, and posted a few signs out to announce his candidacy; he thought of it as kinda a joke Well, as it turned out, when word got around that Juan was running, his popularity grew fast. 'Wow, Juan is running?' 'What a great guy!' 'I heard he doesn't beat his wife, or his kids!' 'Yeah, nor the aarvark in the backyard!' Well, to nobodies surprise (except Juan), he won by a landslide (the other candidate was Oliver North), and was sworn into office with a very surprised look on his face. Well, he saw that there was do getting out of it, so he decided to do his best.

And his best was quite good. The town prospered like it never had before. The crime for the year consisted of someone dropping a lollipop stick on the sidewalk. He spent 6% of the budget, and donated the rest to the Dum Fiters Relief Fund. The townspeople were ecstatic, and his performance turned a lot of heads. Everyone in the town was thrilled with Juan as mayor; he didn't beat his wife, or his kids, or the aardvark in the backyard. Well, at the end of the year, with his term almost up, Juan was pretty pooped. As he sat in the coffeeshop with his friends, reflecting on the year, one suggested that, despite the town's success, the province was in some financial trouble. 'Heck, with Juan's record, he should be governor!' another smiled. Juan wondered why everyone's eyes lit up suddenly. Within hours the campaign was on. All the ads and posters had the same theme: 'Vote for Juan! He doesn't beat his wife, or his kids, or the aardvark in the backyard!' When election day came, there was no doubt about the winner; Juan had been in the lead since the week he had entered. Governer Juan sat back in his padded chair and went to work once again.

His record was brilliant for the two years he spent as governor. The crime rate fell be 2/3, the budget was balanced, education rose sharply, and the provinces Soccer Team sold out every game that Juan attended (he was a big Soccer Buff). The whole country was now buzzing with Juan;s work. Everyone commented how he was such a great guy, how he didn't beat his wife, how he didn't beat his kids, and how he didn't beat the aardvark in the backyard. Then the President was shot. This meant that they needed a new president. Normally, they would turn to the vice-president, except for the fact in this case was that the vice-president has the murdered. Hmm. The Governors got together to decide on a new President for the remaining three years of the term. Each one walked into the room with a mailsack full of letters, all of which has similar messages: 'Juan for President!' 'Let Juan preside as President!' 'How can you not select Juan? He doesn't beat his wife, doesn't beat his kids, and doesn't beat the aardavrk in the backyard? What else do you want?' To make a very long story not quite as long, Juan was quickly named president, and the country was glad he did. The country prospered; new trade agreements were made, old disputes were settled, and there was peace throughout the country. Juan was a national hero. One day Juan came home from work exhausted. He put his briefcase down and plopped down in his easy chair. His mind was racing, but he was exhausted. He couldn't concentrate...pressure from everyone...lobbiests want this...governors want that....everyone wants this and that and acccccckkkkk!!!!!! Juan looked out the window into the backyard. As usual, the aardvark was out there slurping up ants. Wander....wander....sluuuurp! Wander.....wander....sluuuurp! The monotonous repetition snapped something in Juan's mind. A sudden rage built up inside of him, something evil and uncontrollable. He stood Unfortunatelty for Juan, his neighbour heard the CRACKs and quickly moved the telescope from Juan's upstairs window, where his daughter was undressing, down to the yard, and witnessed the brutal attack. He immediately phoned the police, and within hours, Juan was behind bars, the aardvark rushed to the hospital, and the telescope back up to the upstairs window. The country was horrified, and the citizens called for nothing less than the usual penalty given out for this type of crime....death by firing squad. It was granted, and the punishment was to be carried out swiftly. Juan stood there, broken and insane.

The firing squad levied their guns at him. 'Ready.......' 'Aim.........' Suddenly, and without warning, the aardvark leapt from the shadows, aimed at Juan and fired a golf gun. The shot boomed throughout the town, and the shot itself went clear through Juan's heart and out his back.

You may be asking yourself in between sobs what a golf gun is? This in itself is the morale of the story....

The answer...well, I don't know. But it sure made a hole-in-Juan.
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dsk

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1115 on: October 27, 2009, 09:54:56 am »

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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1116 on: October 27, 2009, 11:51:19 am »

HOW TO CLEAN YOUR TOILET

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash and rinse."

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog
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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1117 on: October 27, 2009, 12:27:03 pm »

Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber.

0nce again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question.

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
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Evan20000

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1118 on: October 27, 2009, 01:04:32 pm »

Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber.

0nce again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.

Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question.

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again Johnny came to the rescue.

This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

Heard it before.
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Your videos could just be you in a Nazi outfit, shitting into a bucket while doing the can-can and they'd already be miles ahead of Pewdiepie.

dsk

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1119 on: October 27, 2009, 02:28:03 pm »

I was gonna beat the shit up of Ybbald until I saw "Sincerely, The Dog.".

Then I lost.
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YuPony

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1120 on: October 27, 2009, 06:37:10 pm »

I lol'd at this entire page.
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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1121 on: October 27, 2009, 06:52:07 pm »

Yeah, don't you have a cat?
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YuPony

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1122 on: October 27, 2009, 07:08:33 pm »

Yeah, don't you have a cat?

Nope, I want one though.

Or maybe that was for Dsk?
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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1123 on: October 27, 2009, 07:11:58 pm »

dsk

I remember he had the sig thing once that said something about killing/kicking/something a cat and Kitty was saying how she knew he had one
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ybbald

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Re: Laugh = Lose
« Reply #1124 on: October 27, 2009, 07:22:10 pm »

Time to make fun of the Germans :D

Allegedly, a Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."
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